How I kept Losing myself to finally gaining myself back and keeping it that way

 

I’m sure a lot of people can relate…

In out through my life, I have lost myself, and gained myself
back again. Meaning, I have gave up so many times, then i started
to be myself again but better.

I definitely didn’t know why, but i do know a lot of
millennials, mid 20’s, and late 20’s, go through different
changes. Which i can say that can be part of my transition because
i am 28.

A lot of women go through a lot of ” Hormonal imbalances”.
Which can affect us mentally, and we begin to have mood swings, and
so much more. don’t want to get to personal about it. but my
point is that, as a woman we go through so many changes, have to
deal with so many personal things, and it’s stressful. BEYOND
IT.

Dealing with mental health growing up, really had me losing
myself. Not loving myself, not caring for myself, and just putting
others before me. People use to ask me, “Why are you looking so
angry?” and, i was definitely was intrigued by that question,
because i didn’t know why people always ask that and i was always
curious why. But i figured it out, I had an automatic mean mug
smh….

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People said i never had a smile on myself, I always looked
angry. And that isn’t good at all. I really started to realize
that all around i am wasn’t happy, because people are actually
seeing it in my facial expressions. But, truth be told, I didn’t
mind it after a while. I was still angry.

I was disappointed within myself. One of the reasons why is
because I didn’t graduate on time, not because i didn’t know
the work, I just was so stuck into my feelings that i didn’t even
knock out 15 credits. Don’t judge me, yes only 15
CREDITS!
. That’s all i needed, and I let my pride get
the best of me. So, I went to go finish, and I thought i was happy
about it and i still wasn’t. I had a kid, and felt that i was to
old, and I waited to long to go back. It’s sad that i was
ungrateful instead of blessed. Close people around whispered,
judged me, and talked about me behind my back because i didn’t
graduate on time. And it’s the truth. I knew it, and yes it hurts
badly. But, people knew deep down i had an gift, and that behind
that angry face it’s a Smart Black Woman. I think people were
intimidated by my strong attitude, and no matter how i feel about
myself, I was always independent and knew what i was talking about.
But i believe people mistaken me to be dumb, because of the
“missing 15 credits.” People used that as a weapon against me.
So when i decided to go back in finish i did it silently for my own
happiness. I knew that this school issue was really one of my
weaknesses and one of the reasons why i am not happy.

Dealing with the TOXIC. Toxic played a big
part in my life. Arguing with family members, arguing &
fighting with my significant other, down talking myself. All that
is consider toxic. Not only that it’s toxic, It’s stressful. On
top of that, I still was not happy. My level of happiness was up
and down.

As I got older, I have realized that i was surrounded around
people i shouldn’t surround myself with. I was dealing with
people i had no business dealing with. People who do not support
you, or want to see you win, is a red flag to NO
GOOD! 
No i am not innocent but growing up remember when
your parents always say “Two wrongs don’t make it
right!” It’s the truth!

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It takes time to be the best version of yourself, so
don’t give up fighting for your confidence. You are
beautiful…..”

 

It’s hard to change being around a lot of people who is just
like you but worst. And every time you want to change you are
dealing with other people negativity, or it’s rubbing off on you.
Sometimes you have to stop prolonging these relationships with
friends & families or even with your partner, if it’s not
bringing any happiness to your life.

I had to realize that life isn’t always suppose to be peaches
& cream. At any moment in life you can lose everything,
but how will you react to it? Continuously act out on everyone or
be strong and move forward
. Failure is not an option
because it will happen, but you have to understand that.

I started to have insecurities. But that is
something i kept to myself for a while. I never showed it,
and felt no reason to. It wasn’t that I was insecure in my looks
necessarily, but everything else about me I was disappointed in.
Instead of complimenting myself I rather compliment others and make
them feel good, I really don’t know why, but seeing other people
happy always made me feel better.
And I been that way for
a while until I came to a realization that I need to focus on
self-care & self-love. I had to stop loving others more then I
loved myself.

When I finally found myself, and figured out who I am and what I
want in life I went for it. I decided I wanted to become a blogger
& entrepreneur and guess what? I made it happen. I might have
ups & downs and things might not made it to where I want it to
you, but it’s the principle that I am striving to be the best
that I can be and reach my top goal.

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Even though I admit all the time, I LOST
MYSELF.
But, it’s always time to gain your self again.
It’s okay if you fell off a little, but pick up where you left
and keep going. Can’t no one interfere what you got going on,
only if you let them, SO DON’T!

Moral of the story is, I made this blog to uplift and
motivate others that you can go through the hardest time in your
life and it’s okay. But, don’t let that become an habit. Just
get up and work on you, better you, love you, support you, and keep
being determined to achieve your goals. Use your past as a way out
the hold on on your way to success.

YOU GOT THIS!!!!

 

 

SIXTEEN PAGES……

 

 

www.sixteenkisses.com

www.therule21.com

Author: Anchorman

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