Category: USA News
Latest USA News
Party Evacuated Following Reports Of Host Assembling Some Sort Of Activity
DENVER—Still feeling shaken from their narrow escape, a local party was evacuated Friday following numerous reports of the host assembling some sort of activity. “He…
Twitter Bans Sharing Images Of Private Individuals Without Their Consent
Twitter will now let private individuals request the removal of pictures or videos of them that were posted without their consent, except in cases of…
Nation’s Mothers Demand To Know Where You Heard That Word
WASHINGTON—Glowering into the cameras and turning beet red as they scowled, the nation’s mothers held a press conference Thursday demanding to know where you heard…
Prison Acknowledges Security Lapse That Led To Ghislaine Maxwell Spending Night In Noose Room
NEW YORK—Officials from Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center issued a statement Thursday acknowledging a security lapse that led to Ghislaine Maxwell spending the night in the…
A Week In The Life Of Taylor Swift
Celebrities are just like us: stupid and miserable. They’re also much richer and more important, which makes their lives more interesting than ours. The Onion…
Signs Your Mother-In-Law Actually Hates You
As if sharing your life with a loving, supportive significant other wasn’t bad enough. Here are the most obvious signs your mother-in-law actually hates you….
Trump Tested Positive For Covid Ahead Of 2020 Debate With Biden
Trump’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows claims in a new book that the former president first tested positive for Covid-19 three days before his first…
Hospital Adds $20,000 Scan That Informs Patient Whether They Have Feet
CHICAGO—In an effort to expand the facility’s diagnostic testing capabilities, Mount Sinai Medical Center announced Thursday it had begun offering a $20,000 scan that hospital…
Rob Manfred Confirms Pete Rose Remains Ineligible From DraftKings Official MLB Hall Of Fame At Cooperstown
NEW YORK—Declaring that the former player would continue to be punished for tarnishing the game of baseball by gambling, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred confirmed to…