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Vilsack Stuns At Inauguration In 6-Foot-Tall Husk Of Corn

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‘Look, He Came After All!’ Says Inauguration Guest Spotting Trump Crouching With Rifle On Nearby Roof

WASHINGTON—Excited to see that the president had changed his mind about attending the historic event, inauguration guest Ted Mackie was reportedly pleased to see Trump…

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Stray Doberman Accidentally Sworn In As President After Putting Paw On Inaugural Bible

WASHINGTON—Letting out a loud, slobbery bark as onlookers gasped in horror, a stray Doberman pinscher who put his paw on the inaugural Bible was accidentally…

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Crowd Politely Cheers Along As Pat Toomey’s Senate Jazz Combo Plays Opening Set At Inauguration

WASHINGTON—Moments after the five-piece band capped off a hard bop-inflected rendition of “Hail To The Chief,” the inauguration crowd reportedly politely cheered along Wednesday as…

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White Man Finds It Fitting That Today Also Martin Luther King Jr. Day

WASHINGTON—Smiling to himself about the historical parallels it invited, local white man Cam Hopkins told reporters Wednesday that he found it fitting that the day…

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Supporters Waltz With Cutouts Of Biden, Harris During Socially Distanced Inaugural Ball

WASHINGTON—Paying $10,000 a ticket to participate in the festivities, wealthy Biden supporters waltzed with cardboard cutouts of the president and Vice President Kamala Harris Wednesday…

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Irritated Kyrie Irving Refuses To Be Perceived By Media After Rejoining Nets

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Retiring Phillip Rivers Regrets Never Catching Genghis Khan On All-Time Child Production List

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Nation Could Have Sworn There Was Already First Female Vice President

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing there was no way they were wrong about this, the nation told reporters Wednesday they could have sworn there had already been a first…

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Horrified Biden Family Discovers Rotting, Months-Old Corpse Of Jeff Sessions In White House Executive Residence

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