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Next Steps For Trump Administration Members

As Donald Trump’s divisive presidency draws to a close, questions have arisen as to the future plans of his administration, and whether they will face…

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Mets Fire General Manager For Sexually Harassing Reporter

The New York Mets have fired General Manager Jared Porter for sending dozens of texts and explicit photos to a woman reporter in 2016. What…

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Panicked National Guard Troops Shoot Down Military Flyover

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Secret Service Agent Heroically Dives In Front Of Strong Breeze That Could Have Killed Biden

WASHINGTON—When the life of the newly inaugurated 78-year-old president was threatened Wednesday, Secret Service agent Marshall Cole did not hesitate to dive heroically in front…

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Bored Flags Already Filtering Out Of Inauguration Halfway Through Biden Speech

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Biden Announces Nation Will Rejoin Paris Hilton Fan Club

For the first time since 2016, the U.S. will join over 188 other nations in celebrating the career of the esteemed businesswoman-slash-model-slash-singer-slash-actress. Read more…

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Trump Directs Movers Loading Bubble-Wrapped Melania Into Storage Pod

WASHINGTON—Warning the crew to be very careful while transporting his valuables outside the White House, Donald Trump reportedly directed movers Wednesday to load a bubble-wrapped…

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U.S. Enters Constitutional Crisis After Forgetting Whether Transfer Of Presidential Power Happens At 12 A.M. Or 12 P.M.

WASHINGTON—Unable to pinpoint the exact time the new administration takes over, the United States reportedly entered a constitutional crisis Wednesday after officials forgot whether the…

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Trump Panicking After Realizing Fingerprints All Over White House

WASHINGTON—Feeling agitated and desperate with less than 24 hours on the clock, President Donald Trump was reportedly panicking Tuesday after realizing his fingerprints were all…

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Trump To Issue Up To 100 Pardons On Tuesday

President Trump is expected to issue up to 100 pardons and commutations before he leaves office Wednesday, though his advisors are urging him not to…

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