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Chanel #5 Turns 100

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This Apparently As Beautiful As Woman Ever Going To Be

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Esports-Themed Restaurant Owner To Spend Whole Life Thinking It Went Under Because Of Covid

INDIANAPOLIS—Believing that the timing of his venture was the sole source of its failure, local esports-themed restaurant owner Dennis McLeish confirmed Thursday that he would…

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Tiffany Debuts Engagement Rings For Men

Tiffany & Co. debuted its first-ever men’s engagement ring, as it attempts to tap into a new market for its high-end jewelry amid a rise…

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The Worst Tornadoes In U.S. History

Spring is tornado season, putting millions of people across the country on high alert for the sometimes devastating storms. The Onion looks back at the…

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Spend $15 Building Your Ultimate NBA Lineup

Sure, your favorite team’s GM sucks, but could you do any better? Would you chase stars to form a Big 3 or build around the…

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NYC Replacing Snow Days With Remote Learning

New York City education officials have announced that the nation’s largest school district will not be having any snow days in the next school year,…

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Minimalist Learning To Appreciate Stripped-Down Simple Pleasures Of Unloaded Tater Tots

BATTLE CREEK, MI—In a major breakthrough after years spent chasing the next big flavor, local minimalist Tyler Benson told sources Wednesday he had recently discovered…

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Experts Say Earning Trust Of Vaccine Skeptics Will Be Key To Jabbing Them When They’re Not Looking

NEW YORK—Explaining that building public confidence had never been more crucial, experts from Columbia University told reporters Wednesday that earning the trust of vaccine skeptics…

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Reporter Who Found 3 Angry Tweets About Issue Guesses That’s An Article Right There

NEW YORK—Shrugging as he started writing the story’s lede, New York Times employee Lance Reede, a reporter who found three angry tweets about a particular…

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