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MLB Beginning To Suspect Pirates Just A Mob Front

PITTSBURGH—Speculating as to how the listless franchise has still managed to stay open all these years, sources close to the MLB confirmed Friday that the…

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Nation Enters New Phase Of Vaccine Distribution Where Capricorns, Gymnasts, Childless Uncles Now Eligible For Inoculation

ATLANTA—Reviewing changes to the priorities for Covid-19 vaccine recipients, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Friday that the nation was entering a new…

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‘She’s Now Eating A Muffin In The Commissary,’ Posts Congresswoman Boebert Continuing To Livetweet Pelosi’s Location

WASHINGTON—Following her brief suspension from the social media platform, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) continued to livetweet House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s location Friday, posting “She’s now…

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Lady Gaga, J. Lo To Perform At Biden Inauguration

Lady Gaga will sing the national anthem and J. Lo will perform a musical number as part of next Wednesday’s inaugural ceremonies for President-Elect Joe…

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U.S. Mint Introduces New Seven-Cent Coin To Bolster Citizens’ Math Skills

WASHINGTON—Explaining they were excited to “kick things up a notch,” officials from the U.S. Mint announced Friday a new seven-cent coin to bolster citizens’ math…

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Animal Shelter’s Free Adoption Day Not Even That Good Of Deal

Hear why consumer advocates are warning that falling for this blatant con job could end up costing you hundreds in food and toys, as well…

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Wikipedia Turns 20

Wikipedia was launched Jan. 15, 2001, and the collaborative open encyclopedia has remained a top go-to website for information. The Onion looks back at the…

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AC Unit Propped Up By Bricks Dangling Precipitously From ISS Window

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Former Michigan Governor Charged In Flint Water Crisis

Former Michigan governor Rick Snyder and members of his administration have been indicted on criminal charges for their role in the 2014 Flint water crisis…

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National Guard May Deploy Up To 20,000 Troops To DC For Biden Inauguration

Army General Daniel R. Hokanson says 10,000 Guard members will be deployed to D.C. this week and another 10,000 may be activated ahead of the…

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